1. It's not 12 days of Christmas, it's about 55.
Retailers start cranking the handle of the big Christmas machine as soon as the last money making holiday is over. On 31 October, as soon as the last customer buys their Halloween costume and the last bits of candy have been chucked at the children, all the spooky stuff is turfed from shop floors and supermarket aisles and in its place are overpriced tins of biscuits, tiny party food and tacky tinsel. Christmas has become so commercialised, and it's in your face, everywhere you go, for months! Gah!
2. Get off the streets, shoppers!
I work just off Oxford Street. Lucky me, you say? Not when I'm trying to get to the tube station to go home. The streets are choked with tourists and shoppers on a normal day. When Christmas comes a-knocking, it gets 10 times worse! People carrying thousands of gigantic shopping bags milling about on Oxford Street, seemingly in a zombie-like brainless state, not seeing where they are going, obviously, because they keep bumping into me!
3. Boney-M
Back home, during Christmas time, the shops and malls would all play Mariah Carey's All I want for Christmas, Wham's Last Christmas (I actually used to like this song...) and Boney-M's entire Christmas album on a loop. Incessantly. I wanted to beat that little drummer boy black and blue with his little drumsticks pah-rum-pum-pum-pum.Over here, the Christmas songs are more likely to be from failed popstars in a desperate bid to wrench money away from a dwindling fan base. They are in all probability former X-Factor winners, aren't they, Leona? In any event, I find Christmas songs quite bland and uninteresting, except for this one by Blink 182. [Parental Advisory: Has lots of swear words. And pretty disgusting imagery. Don't click on the link if you are easily offended. You have been warned.]
4. Didn't they show this last year?
Since everything is closed on Christmas day, many people resort to sitting on the sofa watching TV after stuffing their faces with a gigantic Christmas lunch (ok, so that part of Christmas is good). But there is nothing to watch except crummy Christmas movies. And they are sooooo rubbish! Jingle All the Way, the Santa Clause (apparently three volumes of this!), Deck the Halls.. Need I say more?
5. Piss off, you drunkard!
I don't care what people do at their Christmas parties, except that it inevitably involves getting shit-faced and having to navigate their way home on the tube. Which means I have to deal with the either belligerent or overly friendly (there is no in between) drunken fools and the spreading pools of vomit that end up on the floors of the train carriages. Sometimes it ends up on the seats too. Once, a little bit even landed up on my shoes (and a lot landed up on the shoes of the girl sitting opposite me).
6. Thanks for being ever so reliable, TFL and National Rail
Good luck getting anywhere during the holiday season - National Rail does its annual shutdown of various routes, just to engender some holiday season travel rage. Add to that the Christmas season strikes that tube drivers like to inflict on the general public. I'm sure this will happen again this year, as it's happened for the past three years running. Apparently, not only must they get paid double for working on boxing day, they must also get an additional three days off. Looks like I'm in the wrong line of work.
7. The Christmas present debacle
There's just no winning with this one. Too much pressure to get the perfect gift? What if they don't like what I've got them? What if they've already got one? Well, what we have done is to have everyone make a Christmas wish list. Perfect solution? Yes, except that the gift doesn't feel special anymore, because there's been no thought put into it. From a gift giver's point of view it becomes a grocery shopping list - a ticking off exercise. There is a little bit of joy taken away from giving these gifts, because the gift isn't from you. Yes, you bought it, but the thought for the gift didn't originate from you. You were merely a middle man delivering a package (ok, and paying for it, but assuming everyone spends roughly the same on everyone else, you are in effect a just middle man). From a receiver's point of view, well, your present will be just what you would've got yourself, isn't it? No wonderful surprises that touch your heart, but then again, no disappointments either. Just...nothing special. A shoulder shrug and a "meh".
So what's this got to do with John Lewis then?
After listing all those reasons for not liking Christmas, John Lewis has actually made me like it a teeny bit. How? By bringing a little magic to the public. Ok, maybe not "magic" but some very inventive store window displays that go hand in hand with their Bear & Hare Christmas campaign. (I think I am the bear. The idea of hibernating over the winter appeals to me very much!) The displays are innovative and wonderfully put together, using household goods to create animals. Here are a few snaps of their shop window, but if you are in London, take a (very slow, shambling) stroll to the Oxford Street John Lewis, where you can see it for yourselves (if you are daring enough to brave the shoppers).
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| Towel Turkey |
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| Brush Cats and Lamp Dog |
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| Brush/curling iron/razor Hares |
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| The (cushion and wicker basket) Brown Bear |
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| Gaming console Polar bear |
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| Vacuum cleaner Dear |
